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courtesy of Robb Britting:

You May Be A REDNECK VAMPIRE…..

• If you have ever opened a beer can with your fangs.
• If you nicknamed your funeral carriage “The General Lee”.
• If your crypt has an outhouse.
• If you’ve ever told a werewolf he has a purdy mouth.
• If you greet your victims by saying “Good Evening, Y’all”.
• If your coffin has the number ‘3’ painted on the sides.
• If your ancestral castle is built in Arkansas.
• If you ever turned an entire village into an army of vampires
so you would have someone to line dance with.
• If there is a Daisy Duke poster taped to the inside of your coffin lid.
• If you’ve ever called a vampire hunter a ‘damn yankee’.
• If you’ve ever played “Dueling Banjos” on your castle’s pipe organ.
• If the full moon reminds you to pull your pants up.
• If you have ever nearly missed returning to your coffin before dawn.
because you were ‘frog gigging’.
• If your favorite song is “Sweet Home Transylvania”.
• If an open bag of pork rinds tempts you just as much as a bleeding wound.
• If your family crest has the Confederate Flag in it.
• If your vampire cloak is made of coonskins.
• If the medallion around your neck has your initials on it.
• If your castle’s courtyard has at least 2 wheel-less carriages up on blocks.
• If you pick your female victims because they remind you of your sister.
• If you like to call vampire bats ‘cousin’.
• If you think Jed Clampett would make a good vampire.
• If you have ever hypnotized a victim to make them sing “Dixie”.
• If you drink blood from a moonshine jug.
• If you sit in your coffin and pretend you are driving a NASCAR.
• If all of your victims are related to you.
• If you’ve ever trained a werewolf to fetch beer.
• If you have ever fantasized about Vampira wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
• If you are introduced as “Count Festus”.

8 comments:

Odddollz by Jacqui said...

OMG!!! I think I AM a redneck Vampire!! LOL
That was great, thanks for the laugh:)

HUGZ
Jacqui

adelesspookyart said...

Jacqui,
Pleased To Hear You enjoyed it....I got quite a chuckle out of it...I have some Cousins that Must be Redneck Vampires...more chuckles...

~adele~

Creepy_Creations said...

Those are hilarious!! Thank you for sharing!!

Jamie

Mike and Julie said...

Those were so funny! I love the picture too. She looks like my great-grandma, lol.

adelesspookyart said...

Thanks Jamie...Mike & Julie...

I read Mike's T.R.US Experience...That was Very Interesting....Did Mike ever try getting some EVP from that area?

Thrice said...

lol..Redneck vampire...even the name makes me laugh.

disa said...
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disa said...
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