courtesy of Robb Britting:


• If you have ever opened a beer can with your fangs.
• If you nicknamed your funeral carriage “The General Lee”.
• If your crypt has an outhouse.
• If you’ve ever told a werewolf he has a purdy mouth.
• If you greet your victims by saying “Good Evening, Y’all”.
• If your coffin has the number ‘3’ painted on the sides.
• If your ancestral castle is built in Arkansas.
• If you ever turned an entire village into an army of vampires
so you would have someone to line dance with.
• If there is a Daisy Duke poster taped to the inside of your coffin lid.
• If you’ve ever called a vampire hunter a ‘damn yankee’.
• If you’ve ever played “Dueling Banjos” on your castle’s pipe organ.
• If the full moon reminds you to pull your pants up.
• If you have ever nearly missed returning to your coffin before dawn.
because you were ‘frog gigging’.
• If your favorite song is “Sweet Home Transylvania”.
• If an open bag of pork rinds tempts you just as much as a bleeding wound.
• If your family crest has the Confederate Flag in it.
• If your vampire cloak is made of coonskins.
• If the medallion around your neck has your initials on it.
• If your castle’s courtyard has at least 2 wheel-less carriages up on blocks.
• If you pick your female victims because they remind you of your sister.
• If you like to call vampire bats ‘cousin’.
• If you think Jed Clampett would make a good vampire.
• If you have ever hypnotized a victim to make them sing “Dixie”.
• If you drink blood from a moonshine jug.
• If you sit in your coffin and pretend you are driving a NASCAR.
• If all of your victims are related to you.
• If you’ve ever trained a werewolf to fetch beer.
• If you have ever fantasized about Vampira wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
• If you are introduced as “Count Festus”.


Odddollz by Jacqui said...

OMG!!! I think I AM a redneck Vampire!! LOL
That was great, thanks for the laugh:)


adelesspookyart said...

Pleased To Hear You enjoyed it....I got quite a chuckle out of it...I have some Cousins that Must be Redneck Vampires...more chuckles...


Creepy_Creations said...

Those are hilarious!! Thank you for sharing!!


Mike and Julie said...

Those were so funny! I love the picture too. She looks like my great-grandma, lol.

adelesspookyart said...

Thanks Jamie...Mike & Julie...

I read Mike's T.R.US Experience...That was Very Interesting....Did Mike ever try getting some EVP from that area?

Thrice said...

lol..Redneck vampire...even the name makes me laugh.

disa said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
disa said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.